My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
