I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
