i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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