Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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