Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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