The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
