It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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