apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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