Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
