you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
