I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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