That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
