dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize