Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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