On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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