my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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