My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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