i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
