3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
