so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
