At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize