Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
