Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
