Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
