Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
