So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
