Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You can't motorboat a personality
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
