Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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