i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
