The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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