So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize