Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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