; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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