I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
