Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
