I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
