what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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