Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
