can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
