Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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