She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dick very happy bro
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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