I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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