I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize