Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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