Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
