Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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