I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
