So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
