Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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