haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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