I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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