you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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