I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
