Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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