since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
