There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
