Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
