The maid of honor just puked.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
