He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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