Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
