I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
