if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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