the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
