I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
