At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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