Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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