yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
50% drunk capacity currently
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
