She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found your dick twin last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
