Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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