got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
