its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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