I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
