wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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