Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
