He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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