I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COCAINE IS GR8
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
